EEG is done

We went the hospital this morning...this time with no REAL problems getting there!! PRAISE THE LORD;0)
Sarah was the life of the office...walked right in waved at everyone!! and then found herself a nice a comfortable spot to play inside a little tykes house (if anyone wants to know what she wants for Christmas....I'm sure she'd love one of those!!This one had everything including a fake fire place with a porch on the side..kinda made me wish I was a kid again;0)! she was so funny this time!!
anyway
The fun and laughter stopped as soon as we went into the room with the bed!! she really was better then I had imagined she would be. yes she screamed and cried but it was just because she was strapped down...once she was all wired up we turned off the lights, I actually laid beside her for the testing and the tears turned into actual giggles...
I have to explain. When this appointment was scheduled they asked if Sarah had a bottle or something that comforted her when she was upset...she still takes a bottle once in a while so I brought it today with hopes that it would calm her down...so the lights we off there was the hum of the machine and a little girl snug as a bug with her momma laying beside her, we were trying to get her to go to sleep, so I was holding her bottle for her because she couldn't use her arms..while I was holding her bottle, I was rubbing her cheek bone, this made her giggle, and when I’d stop, she'd say "more" it was the funniest thing!
one the way out she wanted to stop and give everyone behind the desk a kiss....
once the EEG was done we headed down stairs to the doctors appointment where the results were being sent...
The results showed ABSOLUTELY no seizure activities!!
So what's next?we start to wean the Phenobarbital and go back in 3 months to see just the doctor, by that time Sarah will be completely off the medicine.
So I am asking you to please keep Sarah in your prayers for safety and that there will be no seizures, and for us as her parents that we will be very tuned in to Sarah if by chance she does have seizure. We are praying that the seizures do not return, and that this is one more door that is closed behind her!!

pictures of Sarah and her siblings!!

this last one makes me laugh...Sarah was screaming the entire time while i was trying to take these pictures..and then a car drove by long enough to distract her (I took advantage of this distraction, putting my camera on auto and took about 15 pictures...)and the minute the car was out of her view...she started up again!! we are off to the hospital on Thursday for her EEG. We will let you know if anythign changes and how it goes. thank you for your prayers.

pumpkin fun and catching up!

just wanted to share some fun pictures of Sarah.

this is her, last october with her siblings (it's hard has a mom, to look at pre-operation pictures),

and this is her this year, and yes, she is in the pumpkin!!!


here are some other fun things we have been up to these last few days...

she has gotten so brave over these last few weeks, I will admit, it is fun to see her breaking out and letting her little personality shine!!

and here are some still pictures

soon we will passing along winter pictures!!!

but for now i'll sit back and enjoy the nice fall colors!! and times when we can just throw on a lite jacket!! thanks for checking in on her!!

EEG is scheduled

just wanted to fill you in on what will happen now. Sarah needs to be checked to see if she is still having seizures, they will do an EEG on Sarah to see if there are any brain waves that show seizure activity. this is a painless procedure, well..i should say no shots.

for those of you who don't' know what they will do, let me explain...

Sarah didn't like the last one she had done and I'm sure she won't like to go through this one either :0) they will have to attached little wires that have some king of gel substance on one end to her head, (Seems likes at least 40!) but I'm not sure how many to tell you the truth.

then once she is all hooked up they read her brain activity, from the info they collect, they can tell if Sarah is having seizures still, Let me back up for a moment, the doctors do think that the brain tumor was causing the seizures and since the tumor is gone, they now have to see if there have been any, while she is on the medicine for seizures, they will have to wean her from the medicine and do more testing like this as time passes.

From start to finish the EEG takes about 2 hours. about an hour for hook up, if you will, and then and hour for brain activity... this will take place on October 27th at 9:30 in the morning. we will let you know how it goes and I'm sure i will remind you guys to please pray for safety on the road as it seems like we always run into something to try and get us off track...



It really is a painless procedure but for a 2 year old who doesn't like doctors and who will be pretty much in a kangaroo pouch, not able to move, it's going to seem as though they are hurting her...so if anyone out there would like to go with me to support mom...I'll take the support, dad, can't make it because of his job!! let me know!



let me end with this picture, it is Sarah just a few days ago..and this is her scar...

Doctor did an AWESOME job and Jesus healed it up nicely!!

recent pix

these are just a few of my favorite recent pictures

MRI RESULTS

It's Wednesday night.

we got the phone call yesterday about the MRI.

PRAISE THE LORD, their is no sign of the tumor growing back!!! The next MRI will be sometime in January, but more on this at at later time. it's been a LONG day andmy bed is calling me!!

thank you all for your prayers

10 months ago...

this was Sarah...wow God has been so faithful to us and to our little girl. In Two months we will celebrate the girls 2nd birthday. Little Sarah has gone through more then i have in the 2 short years (then i have in my 32 years!)that God has allowed us to have her.

What a life, What a testimony! I never thought I could love someone as much as i love you. You are God's and we know that God has a special plan for you.

I thank the Lord for carrying us through these last 2 years. We are still listening to the Heartbeat of Jesus. and we still feel his arms of love wrapped around us as we hold her today.



this is Sarah today, full of life, laughter and trouble...
we love you little girl and are so proud of who you are!! May Jesus continue to watch over you and protect you in all that you do. May you grow in the wisdom and knowledge of your Healer and Savior!

How the MRI went...

Will the ride to the hospital ever go well??? A little side note before I get to Sarah's MRI...

We were driving for about 45 minutes again when out of nowhere came this thick whitish fog that smelled like rubber burning... I began to think...this is going to be a horrible accident, good thing we left early! Despite my thought we continue to drive without seeing more then 20 feet in front of us, all we could see was the car's (in front of ours) flashers. they were moving but a t a REALLY slow pace, I thought I can't stay here and I don't want to keep going if we re going to have to sit in this smell, by this time my windshield looked as though some one was sifting black powder sugar right over my car.... and then the "fog" was gone but the smell remained...it cleared up outside though my windshield was a mess. I look up and I saw this tractor trailer in front of us pouring what seemed to be steam coming from the top of his truck. And then it was white again....I thought to myself, I just have to pass him and try to pull of off I 81 into a gas station...God’s hand protected us and we got to a gas station. The front of our vehicle was BLACK, and the windshield was covered in what appeared to be grease. Some thing told me not to touch the windshield wipers while I was driving, thank the Lord I didn't. When I parked the van, I turned them on, I would have caused a HORRIBLE accident if I had tried to do it when I was driving, I literally could not see the front of my vehicle.We had to use bleach to get it off the car....It was such a mess but praise the Lord he protected us and other drivers that were also driving into the "white fog". Thank you to those of you who lifted us up in prayer... The angels were surrounding us and it was evident!!

We finally got to the hospital with little time to spare...

I absolutely loved the team that worked with Sarah today, I felt like they really cared about us...and although they had a hard time starting an IV Sarah was okay with it. She didn’t like it too much when they tried to flush the first one and it wasn’t flushing...but Sarah was a trooper. They did their best and got one started with out to much poking...
Anyway She made it through the MRI just fine and we will hear back from the doctors in a few days, if not I will be calling them about the results; I will pass it along to you.

this was Sarah waiting for her appointment

please don't mind the half naked girl..she was soooooo angry after it was all done the she wanted nothing to do with anything:0( as you see she didn't even want her seat belt on properly) i do promise you though we started off with it on the right way...(Shawni..this one reminds me of your daughter!!)

She got her self so worked up that i thought she was going to need a breathing treatment. after about 15 minutes of screaming...she cried herself to sleep..and this was the scene the rest of the way......

thank you to all who remembered us in your prayers, please check back for the MRI results in a few days

we are off...

once again

Wednesday the 24th we will try once again to get this MRI completed....will let you know how it goes.please pray for safe traveling and that all goes well during the MRI!

another day

we were in the car and had been driving for about 1 hour when Jacob's cell phone rang...the hospital had called him and told Jacob that they had to cancel Sarah's MRI and that they would be calling us later in the day to let us know why it was canceled and when it would be re-scheduled. But we never heard back from them…is it okay for me to say, “I’ve had enough!!?” but lets look at it on a brighter note…Sarah was sick so most likely they would not have done the procedure anyway, but because they cancelled we will get it re-scheduled in a quicker way…right??? Well that’s how I’m trying to look at it.
We did stop at the children’s hospital in Wilkes Barre and say “thank you” to Dr. Allen and the nurses who worked that night that Sarah had her seizures…to my surprise they remembered it like it was just last night…that met so much to me. I wanted to take picture of Sarah with Dr. Allen but as I was taking the picture my batteries died...so next time there will be pictures.

So I will let you guys know when it is re-scheduled.

Sarah's MRI

we will be off to the hospital for Sarah's MRI on Wednesday. They will be checking to make sure no tumor is growing back. Her appointment is at 1:00, which will be little bit of a challenge, because Sarah will have to fast starting 6 hours prior. We are hoping to keep her busy so she won't realize she's not eating!Mom and Sarah will leave the house around 10:00 our plan is to stop and finally see the Doctor who noticed Sarah having that seizure that sent the red flags up! we have not been bale to meet with him to say "Thank you" to him or to the nurses either, they knew about Sarah' needing Brain surgery and that she made it through okay , but we have kind of lost contact with that hospital. so We are hoping to sneak in and briefly say hi....we will let you know how it goes when we find out anything

please keep us in your prayers.

9 months later

9 months today Sarah was becoming a "cancer free patient..wow where has the time gone!


so where is Sarah today? thanks for asking, let me share.


she is 32 pounds,
as far as we know cancer free!
learning sign language,
feeds herself,
going potty like a big girl,
loves to play with her siblings, once in awhile you'll hear a giggle or two..usually means someones doing things they shouldn't ! but praise the Lord she is here and is able to get into trouble!

(know come on just look at that face...she is a perfect angel ALL the time!!!)

no longer a crawler!
loves her fruit,

loves almost anything we give her in fact!!

loves to play in the tub,

like to jump off things! (Thanks for some gray hairs Sarah)
walks up the stairs,
likes to tease her sister and pull her hair, Victoria does deserve it at times LOL
does sleep through the night at times!! (we are still working on this)
is getting ready for her 2 MRI in a few weeks!
she is such a little miracle and her story has been told to so many people, I thank the Lord that he has allowed us to go down this road, giving us the strength to turn it around for His glory!! we don't know what the future holds for Sarah but God does and he will be right here next to us every step of the way and because of this promise I know he will not give us more then we can handle!!





we love you Sarah! and we are so proud of who you are already!!

sorry for the lack of posting

i have been very busy but wanted to let you guys know that Sarah will have an MRI on September 17th. please pray for her that all goes well. She is to have these MRI's for the next 4 years. they are checking to make sure no tumor is growing back.. i will let you know how it goes...

Sarah continues to improve with her walking. She is learning sign language and is doing well. i have to video her signing the things she has learned...stuff like; more, thank you, help, baby,all done... it's amazing to see this little 19 month old communicating with signs....
have to get going....

the fun has begun!

Let the fun begin...
we started Physical and speech therapy with Sarah, which is helping her speech, not to sure if it's doing anything with her walking! She has just decided that the little things at the end of her feet are there to walk on!

We are teaching her sign language and we are noticing that she is trying to speak now. she gets her point across... especially when she has to go potty.... we hear you loud and clear little girl!

here she is walking, in the video below if you've joined this blog by the link of http://www.glhoffman2004.blogspot.com/ you have already watched it! but as a mother of this daughter, I could sit and watch it over and over, each step she takes reminds me of the miracles God has performed already!

Sarah started to take steps a few weeks ago, but now we are noticing that she is choosing to walk more then crawl, and even does a "side walk" up the stairs! so far we have had no mishaps! going up and down the stairs or falling into something! keep praying about that this will continue!

We are headed to a little carnival later, I'm hoping to post pictures of her later. so please check back, and once again, I thank you for checking in on our little girl!

where she is today!

this is Sarah today....

she has gone through so much to get to where she is, but With God as her strength already she is doing it! Sarah one day you will read this and so i just wanted to share some of my heart with you....

the day we found out you were going to be ours was a day like no other, God formed you in my womb and He choose not to reveal that you were there! from that point on I realized you were full of Secrets!!

The day we got to see you face to face was like no other day...

the moment you held our thumb was like no other day....

The day you stopped breathing was like no other....

the day we got to go home as a family (wires and all)was like no other...

the days that you were back in the hospital were like no other...

God had a plan for you, like no other...

The day we heard the words, "she has a brain tumor (thankfully) were like no other...

The day we found out that the operation went well, was like no other...

The day we found that you were no longer a cancer patient was like no other....

God has a plan for you, like no other....

The day we brought you home again, was like no other...

The day I kissed your 25 stitches, was like no other....

The moment you smiled through your swollen face, was like no other...

God has a plan for you, like no other,,

Our Christmas of '07, was like no other....

The day you began to sit up, was like no other...

My Mother's day of '07, was like no other...

God has a plan for you, like no other...

The Day you began to crawl was like no other

Father's Day of '07, was like no other...

the day you began to sit up, was like no other...

The day you began to crawl, was like no other...

God has a plan for you, like no other...

The day your first MRI came back clear, was like no other...

The day you took those first steps, was like no other...

Sarah you have been a fighter through your short life, I am sure that you have put a smile of the face of Jesus! all heaven rejoiced when you came through the surgery, man part of me wishes i could watched as heaven cheered you on! It is not done yet, every accomplishment you do, they rejoice and Jesus is saying,"that's my girl!"

Sarah you are blessed with so many miracle stories, that i believe God is going to use to reach others, keep accomplishing the tasks set before you and greater will be your reward some day. Always remembering it is God in you giving you strength to press on! with out him you can do nothing little girl. mommy and daddy love you more then you will ever know!

more then what they thought...

Sarah is definitely a little miracle girl! I know that all babies are miracles....but there are some that you sit and you think, they are here after they've been through all of that....

so many times i find myself just looking at pictures and watching Sarah as she has grown and think, what is God up to with her life.

Sarah began putting on the weight at around 3 months. We began to notice that she wasn't doing what her sister was. Developmentally Sarah as falling behind. And i also know that each child is different and that it's not fare to compare, but come on, parents do and somehow that makes it okay, right?

WE noticed that Sarah wasn't eating anymore then her sister but yet her weight was becoming an issue, and with the weight issue came the "problems" Sarah wasn't able to support her own weight at all, she wasn't even trying.

She was in and out of the hospital for breathing problems, (if you want to know more about this then read some older post..)

Sarah had made it out of surgery and the Doctor explained that when he got to the tumor there was calcium all around it, meaning that the tumor had to of been there for a while, and seeing that she was only a year old, she may have had it there her entire life.

At the time of surgery Sarah weighed 30 pounds...go ahead and say it, it's okay..."wow that 's a big girl!" she weighed as much as her 2 .5 year old brother. no wonder she couldn't move around, right?

the awesome news is that it's going on 9 months and Sarah still weighs 30 pounds, she hasn't gained a pound and it's not a concern!!! and she has not been admitted back into the hospital for "breathing problems" God has been so good to us! We miss the nurses at the hospital, in a way but it's a good thing right?

okay now onto the a more serious note.

the last post i mentioned that the tumor was being sent away....well it only took a few days and it was determined that is was a low grade cancer tumor. At this point a parent must make a decision, focus on the good or the bad. WE as parents choose to rejoice...

I rejoiced that God allowed us to find this nasty tumor before it went on any longer, I praised the Lord that He kept me back from going with my daughter in the ambulance to the hospital when this all started. I praised the Lord that DR. A's eyes were still open to my daughter. Although He and the nurses had seen Sarah 3 or 4 days per months they didn't treat her like she was a regular patient. they were attentive to her.

I praised the Lord the He opened the door for the Doctor to have an opening to perform the surgery a day after we found out Sarah had a brain tumor, this never happens unless it's a God thing! God was in it from the very beginning! He saw Sarah through it and is still seeing her through it.

Because it was a low grade cancer tumor Sarah has to have MRI's every few months to make sure the tumor is not growing back. They do this to make sure no radiation or chemo is needed.

the song that goes through my mind at this point of the testimony is, " His report says VICTORY..whose report will you believe, His report says VICTORY!!!"

Sarah is walking in the Grace of God. Her name is so fitting and ordained by God..."Sarah Grace" here are some picture of Sarah...then and nowwe had just got her stitches out and were finally able to celebrate the girls 1st birthday (below)...Sarah had to be isolated until the stitches were removed.....

we found our right before this picture (below), that Sarah's MRI came back with Great news! no tumor was growing back!

We are coming up onto our 2nd MRI in a few weeks.

and this is Sarah now:

you can't even see the scar!

surgery

I the night before Sarah's Surgery i was very busy emailing and calling people. letting them know that Sarah was going to need surgery to remove the brain tumor. Jacob stayed with me in the hospital. and we were preparing ourselves for the next day.

Our other 3 three children were taken to Grandma and Grandpa's, so that our attention could be solely on Sarah. She was such a trooper.

This is Sarah and Daddy the morning of the surgeryand this is My parents with Sarah. They wanted to be with us to help us through the day and to just be our support. this pictures is just a few minutes before we headed downstairs the the OR.


WE said a prayer for the Doctor and for Sarah and then we were off.

Those last few minutes we had with our daughter went way to fast!

The Doctor came out and showed us exactly where the incision would be and how long it would take. Sarah was then placed in the nurses arms where we watched as Sarah looked at the nurse and then looked at us, instead of crying she let out this squeal! she mad eye contact with the nurse and never looked back at us again.

God was so real at that moment. We asked that he'd give Sarah peace as they carried her off and that peace was so evident! it would have been heart wrenching if Sarah was screaming as they took her away, I didn't want to see my Daughter like that before the surgery.

We knew that God was in control, but we had no idea what His plans were. But we placed Sarah in His Arms and humbly asked that he would simply prepare us for what the "plan" was.

God was working, we had the peace that surpasses all understanding. She is not ours, she is a gift from God. We get the privilege to "rent" our sons and daughters.

we were told that the operation would take 4-5 hours. and that we would be called when she was done.

we had decided to go someplace. I didn't not want to sit and wait, so we did the next best thing...we went shopping at Walmart!!

Those 4.5 hours went so slow! and then the phone rang.

Sarah had made it through the surgery and was headed to the PICU.
The doctors told us what we were walking in on, more so that we wouldn't freak out! Sarah was sleeping and was resting comfortably. she was placed on Morphine and so it was making her sleepy. she had 25 stitched, and her eye was pretty swollen. she could not open it.
As I walked into the room, i looked at her and i saw nothing more then a miracle baby that was so beautiful!! She is a big/little girl with an even bigger plan from God on her life!!.

She was fighting the bandage on her head and the nurses decided to tie her arms down, which just made Sarah more mad! she was able to get out of everything they tried. finally i spoke up and said, just take it off her head, she will leave it alone. when they finally listen to my advice, Sarah did exactly what i said, she left her head alone!
The next 24 hours would be crucial. she needed to eat and make eye contact.
At first we couldn't get her to drink anything and their was a concern that she would need a blood transfusion. I got on the phone and asked people to believe with us that this wouldn't need to happen. with in 4 hours of asking for prayer Sarah showed signs of getting better.
She was moved to a normal room.
the plan was to begin weaning her from the morphine and the first day she could go with only Tylenol as needed, they would discharge her with in 48 hours.
the very next day she was off of it, but needed Tylenol every 4 hours. so we were just playing a waiting game..meanwhile Sarah become more and more like herself...





this was Sarah a couple of days after her surgery!

the floor actually put up the Christmas tree and had the children in each room call Santa!The lady holding Sarah by the tree quickly become both mommy and Sarah's favorite!

She was another one of our favorites!

This was the team...The surgeon on the left was the one who was in charge!! Sarah was doing wonderful until this group of white coats walked in!! she was not a fan of them!!!

they doctors and nurses where all amazed at how well Sarah was doing! and how quickly she got off of the Morphine! It was truly a testimony of How God uses doctors sometimes! I truly believe that God can do all things, but at times He chooses to use Doctors. Dr T did not heal my daughter, God used him, used his hands to heal my daughter.

We had to now wait for the biopsy to come back. but we were just rejoicing that God allowed us to have our daughter a little longer! She is a fighter and i tell everyone, God has a huge plan for this little girl!

The heartbeat of JESUS!

On November 21, 2007 (which was the girls first birthday) my husband took Sarah along with her three siblings out for the morning so that I could get some sleep after working all night. It was going well. so we thought...

When they returned, Jacob mentioned to me that Sarah was gagging a lot. I seriously thought had something stuck in her throat or on the roof of her mouth. they were home about 15 minutes and my motherly instincts kicked in, or maybe it was God giving me wisdom...you can be the judge.

I was not able to help Sarah get whatever it was causing her to gag, out. I tried everything but nothing was working. Sarah was breathing okay, she was just not herself.

i decided that she needed to get to the closest ER. Her doctor's office was closed and so i did the next thing i knew...rushed her to the ER. I walked in and went to the desk and said, "she's having problems breathing." they rushed us back and gave her Oxygen right away. they had a pulse-ox on her and as long as the oxygen was on her she was okay, but as soon as it was taken away, it dropped to about 75. They couldn't let her go home because if you know anything about our oxygen level it needs to be in the upper 90's.

Sarah was definitely not herself, she wasn't fighting the mask, she was just sitting in my lap, with her head pressed up against my chest. not fighting anything or anyone.

the decision was made to send her to the children's hospital...yep Sarah saw need to see Dr. A and her favorite nurses. one more time. the problem was, i had 3 other children at home and a husband who needed to go back to work. we don't live near any family and so i was stuck. I had no other choice but to kiss Sarah Good bye and meet up with her in the Hospital. This was all part of God's plan...

God was holding me back,I felt in my heart, although it was difficult, I had to let her go by herself. "You give and you take away, but my heart will choose to say, bless it be the Lord..."

I will be honest, I cried when the ambulance drove off.

it was now about 4:30, I had to go home and try to call my boss to let her know most likely i would not be coming into work that night, We had to try and get someone to come over so that i could be free to go tp teh hospital

....Around 6:00 I was still at home trying to tie the knots, making sure everyone was okay for me to leave, and then the phone rang.

this is what i heard on the other end...

The Doctor was on the other end, "mom so whats been going on with Sarah?"

me: she was gagging and staring today, just not herself, and at the ER she couldn't keep her oxygen up past 75%

Doctor: he wanted to run some test on Sarah, because she just wasn't herself. he asked for permission

Me: yes please do what ever you need to, just remember her veins are hard to get to,So i request the best nurse that has worked on children, no one else.

Doctor: "when will you be coming here?"

ME: ASAP

we say good bye. after he encourages me that she's okay.

i run upstairs to back my bag, and when i come downstairs the phone was ringing.

i answered it again, (By this time Jacob is walking in the house).

It was the doctor again: "mom, i don't want to get you worried, your daughter is doing fine okay? but when I got off the phone with you just a few minutes ago, I walked into Sarah's room and she was twitching on her right side. I ordered a C.A.T scan right away. and we are waiting for the results. i will call you back when i get the results. Please don't go anywhere until you hear from me again. okay.

Me: okay, but she is okay right, she's breathing and all?

Doctor: yes she's moving around, she breathing, shes doing okay.

Me: okay please call me back as soon as you hear something.

WE say good-bye

This was when i completely lost it! I had to go back in the house and tell my husband what the doctor just told me, I couldn't even get the words out, he prayed and i composed myself enough to tell him, "Sarah is okay but she was twitching on her Right side,I have to call Pastor and get people praying for Sarah. So I called my Pastor, didn't get an answer, so I called my one neighbor who is like family told her and asked her to please pray for Sarah, Called Pastor again and this time i got through.

As soon as i heard his voice,I lost it again, I told him that they did a C.A.T scan and they were waiting for the results, but that Sarah had been twitching...He began to pray and rebuked this attack, he prayed for peace, he prayed for wisdom and safety. As he prayed, I felt complete peace come over me, not peace that this world gives, but peace like I've never felt before, Jesus himself had given me peace that was so badly needed.

i told him i needed to make some more calls and that we'd call him when i found out more.

The doctor called us back and said, "Mom we are life flighting Sarah. I really don't like telling you this over the phone, but in this situation i will. (I wish i could some how put into words how much love you could hear in his voice,) your daughters scan showed bleeding on the left side of her brain. she is stable and we've ordered am MRI and EEG to see if what i saw, when i walked into her room, was a seizure..."

my world stopped...i can not explain to you the thoughts that were going through my mind...while he was still talking i softly said, "Jesus help me, help her" once again that peace came into me.

There was a battle going on, and Satan would not win, for fear is not from God.

The Doctor told us that she would be in PICU of the hospital, come as soon as you can, but don't worry, she is going to be okay.

My husband and i made more phone calls to the pastor and to family and then we were off to the hospital.

it was the longest 1 1/2 hour drive that i have ever taken. On the ride we prayed that God's will be done, We simply asked that God would prepare us for what ever his plan was. we played worship songs and prayed the entire time.

we got to the hospital and they took us go see Sarah, she was sleeping so we stayed for just a little bit and then they called us over to the computer to show us what they had seen.

Let me stop here, to explain something:

the moment i walked into Sarah rooms, God should me the following, (and for all of you who are reading this and thinking, I'm a "bad" mother for not going with my daughter on the ambulance, hopefully this will change your mind about me.) Remember how i said It was God keeping me back from going with her, well i realized that this was all part of God's plan, you see if I would have gone with Sarah on the ambulance, I would most likely of been holding Sarah when the doctor walked into her room, making the twitching less noticeable. that twitching is what raised the red flags that something else was going on. I praise the Lord that I wasn't there and that SArah was twitiching as the Dcotor walked into her room, and you will know why as you continue to read.

Now back to What was happening in the hospital:

they wanted to do an MRI but they said they needed to wait on it. Sarah would have to be sedated and because she had a little cold, (and was a big baby) it was too risky, she may not be able to come out of the sedation. but they were keeping a close watch on her and if her vital signs dropped then they would be forced to go ahead with it. they were also watching for more twitching.

She was on oxygen and fluids only through an IV , they had wires on her chest keeping track of her vital signs...it was heart wrenching to see my little girl like that.

We were now playing the waiting game, Sarah had to get better or clear up a little before they would do this MRI to see what was really going on. they were not 100% sure if it was "just" bleeding, they needed to find out. We did know from the EEG that she was having seizures. WE waited 3 days before they could do any further testing on her. they eventually did the MRI.

I was to the point of just needing to go home and spend time with my other children, take a shower and just get a different perspective or view, what ever you want to call it. I knew that Sarah as in the best place she could be. So I left her and went home just for the day. My plan was to go back up around 7:00 at night.

SO i decided i would sit down at the computer and just send emails to update people who were praying.

As i sat down at the computer i had this over whelming peace come upon me. and instantly i saw my husband and i holding Sarah while Jesus bent down and picked us up and brought us close to His chest. All we could hear was HIS heartbeat. now if you are a mom or a parent, you know that the mother's heartbeat calms a crying baby and gives the baby peace.

It was as though Jesus was picking us up to bring us close to him, so that we would hear his heartbeat. by now there were at least 100 or more people praying not only for Sarah but for us as parents, God was hearing their prayers and we were being blessed with showers of peace.

God didn't make us go through this on our own, He showed me that Jesus was carrying us through it, and as long as we listened to HIS heartbeat we would have peace....

I shared this "vision" with Jacob and a couple of others, they were speechless. what can you say after something like that? not much..

I headed back to the hospital, ready to take on what ever came our way. The next day Jacob was at the hospital to hear what the results were, He knew i shouldn't do it by myself so he made arrangmetns for babysitters and school for our one boy...he made sure everything was taken care of!

The doctor walked in and said, all the nice polite stuff and then just laid it our for us, he said, "your daughters MRI came back and I'm sorry to have to tell you this but she has a brain tumor. My world stopped again,I closed my eyes and that's when i saw arms surrounding us...it was up to me would i listen for the heartbeat? The doctor reached up and grabbed my hand and said, "It's going to be okay. You guys don't have to choose to operate on it now, we can wait, but i will tell you this and it never happens, but I have an opening tomorrow! "(now lets get real, how many of you know that this NEVER happens unless it's a God thing!) My husband looked at me and i looked at him, all i said was "heartbeat" and he knew, it was as though we already new and we didn't need to pray about the decision. God had showed us already! and people were already covering Sarah in Prayer! There was no time to put it off. ( now i don't suggest that any of you who may be reading this go and make HUGE decisions like this with out praying, but Jacob and i both knew with out doubt that God was in it and was leading us EVERY step of the way. We knew that we knew that we knew God was saying do it, don't wait.)

I will tell you , that i did not think once about the danger that my daughter was in, at that moment when we said, "yes go ahead and do the surgery". her life was on the line and this thought didn't even cross my mind, why? because all i was hearing was the heartbeat of Jesus, when we had Sarah and her sister dedicated, we had Given Sarah back to the Lord and we meant it, she was not ours to keep, God could do anything he wanted with her, we simply asked that he would prepare us for His plan with her life. And with out a doubt he had prepared us.

The rest of the day, we held Sarah as much as possible, we just loved on her as much as we possibly could. She made it pretty easy. she was the happiest baby on the floor i will end with this video for now taken the day before her surgery...

before i go further...

let me give you a chance to fall in love with Sarah Grace....Sarah on the Right (both in the above and below pix), those gray cords are wires for her apnea

isn't she just a beautiful baby?