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Monday, June 23, 2008

day 2 of excitment...turns

Well we received a phone call the very next day. with concern in the doctors voice we knew something wasn't right. the voice on the other side was saying something like" We need you to come back, we have to do some more ultrasounds ASAP, but you will need to see a specialist."

We went back to the same hospital for a few more "ultra sound-snaps" if you will. Once the technician was done the doctor came in looked at the results whispered a few things and then turned to us. The excitement was gone. We asked if both babies were okay, and the Doctor looked at us with more compassion in his eyes then the day before and said, for now both babies are okay.

We were devastated! The doctor began to tell us stuff like, "Baby B: is dangerously small, we need to keep our eyes on her. We need to keep an eye on you and your weight loss. we need to keep our eye on baby "A" As of now we don't know what is going on. we will be sending you to the specialist....the rest of the conversation is blurred.

My husband and i walked away from the hospital knowing that GOD created both babies, and both babies were perfect in His sight! WE made up our mind to say no to every kind of testing they were going to want to do to the baby. We knew that this little life, no matter how small she was, was a gift from God. and we were not going to let the Doctors determine her end result! The God we serve is the one who gives life and takes life.

we determined in our minds and heart to rejoice no matter what the circumstances looked like we would rejoice!

we went for the appointment with the specialist on August 9...this is what we saw:she looked so nice and snug! (not sure if you can see it but the little smudge to the right, right next to the little arrow outside the ultrasound itself, is baby A's limb!! the doctors were so nice. they explained that they had no answers for why baby "b" was not growing and that today's visit was just going to be them taking ultrasounds of every organ as possible to see if they could give us answers. there was not going to be a lot of talking. and they would answer any question we had in the end. we understood that they really just needed to get all they needed, to try and figure this out! then the technician came in and said, " I know they told you not to ask question until the very end, but i couldn't do that when I was in your i will try and explain what pictures i am taken, i won't be able to answer to many questions but everything is going to be okay it just has too be for you also!( she was in the same situation over 20 years ago! God works in amazing ways doesn't he?)! she was so nice to us.

we were at the hospital for about 2 hours. After the ultra sound was completed, the doctor looked at some of the pictures (or what ever you want to call them) and showed us what they were concerned with. baby "b" had what seemed to be a leakage in her heart and calcium deposits on her brain...i had no idea what all of this meant expect the leakage in her heart! i broke down. you see i have a nephew who was born with half a heart. the parents have gone through so much and to look at what their little boy has gone through, I didn't' want to go through it, I didn't want to put her through it. all i could think about was heart surgery with her. i wasn't a strong enough person to go threw that.

I want to be completely honest with you, you who take the time to read this. i was scared for her. i didn't want her to feel pain. i didn't want our little girl to have to go through all of this. at a point of the doctor telling us the list of things that could be wrong i broke down to the point of shaking. We asked the doctor if we could be left alone for a few minutes. It felt as though death had come into that room. the Doctor left and i looked at my husband and said, i want the Lord to just take her if she is going to have a life of sickness. i won't be able to live with myself. He grabbed my two hands and said, "God is in control! He's not going to let anything happen that we can't handle, He will give us strength." then he prayed.

The Doctor came back in and said, "we will let you know if we find out any more. but please remember to take care of yourself, there is a second baby in there! None of this is your fault, you couldn't have prevented it from happening. we will take it step by step. she asked if they could do test on the amniotic fluids, we declined it, "saying no, what is the purpose of doing it, if she has any kind of sickness, she's no less of a person! we are still going to love her as much as her sister, by letting you do the tested, it's only putting her and her sister in danger. WE have decided to decline any kind of testing that will put her in ANY kind of danger." and from that point on we were never asked again.

we knew the road ahead was going to be full of blessings, hard times, tears and joy! but we decided in our hearts to rejoice no matter what the circumstances looked like! we needed to rejoice so that others would see the face of Jesus and the peace that only comes from him!

as we sat waiting for the secretary to make our next appointment we sat in silence.I know for me i was just trying to comprehend all that was just said to us... I turned to my husband and i said, " We need to decide today what names they will have. We had already agreed on Victoria Elizabeth and Sarah Grace. i left it up to my husband who would be who. He immediately said baby "b" will be Sarah Grace. He didn't even think about it, it was as though he was already thinking about her! I asked why should she be Sarah? His answer was short and sweat,"so she will know-no matter what, that she is our little Princess" and then his eyes filled up with tears.

no more words were needed! we made our next appointment, we would come back in three weeks, but mean while we would see the OBG doctor for heartbeat checks. and regular weekly ultrasounds checks would be done.

Meanwhile we got as many people as we knew praying for Sarah Grace and asking God to shine, "prove them wrong Lord, show them there is nothing "wrong" let her grow Lord let her grow Lord" is all i could pray for....

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