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Monday, June 30, 2008

the day we got to hold you!

So at 37 weeks, i looked like this, this pictures was actually 2 hours before i held the girls. it was a morning like no other. we had waited for so long , so it felt, for that morning to get there.

i was excited and nervous at the same time, The Doctor told us that when baby "B" was born there was a possibility that they were going to take her right to the NICU. that was hard! but we knew it was best for her. IT was so quite in the OR you could have heard a pin drop!

Then they began....out came baby "A" and then one minute later Little Sarah Grace began to cry as they pulled her out...that was the best moment, the tears just started to run down my cheek, I knew she was okay once i heard her little cry! time stopped nothing seemed to matter to me, all the concerns we had over that last 2 months were gone, I just wanted to hear her cry and she did!

it may have been one or two hours after the girls were born i was able to hold our miracle! i can remember this picture being taken, just rubbing her hand with tears of joy ! It was a moment i'll NEVER forget. She was a fighter, and the doctors couldn't say other wise!! at birth Sarah was just 3 oz. smaller then her big sister!!

All seemed to be going well and we were told we could go home just 3 days after the girls were born. I wanted to take a shower before we left the hospital, so the nurses came back to get the girls while I took a shower. when i was done they headed back to the room with the twins.

Suddenly plans changed as the nurse looked down at Sarah and noticed she was blue. Let me pause here and say I was so thankful that this happened while we were at the hospital. Sarah seemed to be doing so well and just like that everything changed. it was so scary! i was so thankful that it didn't happen hours later or even 1/2 hour later, while we were in the car on the way home! God had his hand in the situation!

They were able to get her to breath again , but she was placed in the NICU. meanwhile they discharged her sister and i was left torn, i wanted so badly to go home all together but instead i was having to kiss my baby who was cleared to go home and my husband. they headed home and i stayed with Sarah.

five days of testing and hearing monitors beep.... Sarah continued to have episodes where she would stop breathing, but thankfully she always started back up on her own. She was not gaining weight but instead began to lose so much that the doctors began to worry about it. At one point she had dropped to 3 pounds 12 oz. They could not figure out why, because she was eating...On the 5th day she was able to eat and not set of the monitor. A test she had to pass before she could leave the hospital. she was also holding her weight! My husband and i had to take a CPR class before they would release Sarah. It was so hard to sit through the video knowing why they were making us take this class knowing ,but praying that we would Never have to do it on Sarah.

we also were informed that Sarah would have to go home on an "apnea monitor" so we had to go through a training on what to do when she set it off. (if she set it off it could be either she had stopped breathing or the wires that were attached to her came loose...)

Those three days were so draining on me it was amazing. meanwhile i just wanted to hold Victoria and have "bonding" time with her. we had decided earlier on that I was going to nurse both babies. so i was nursing Sarah and bottle feeding her so that i could also pump for Victoria. yes it was hard!! It was not how we thought it was going to be but We had no choice!

Sarah was such a trooper though it all. Finally after a few feedings on the 5th day we were discharged! I was ready to be re-united with Victoria!

Over the next few weeks, Sarah did okay, she did set off the monitor while she slept or was eating, the scariest time was during the night when the monitor would go off! i was so afraid that i wouldn't hear it beeping until it was to late. Whenever she did stop breathing or the monitor went off, she would start breathing on her own! PRAISE THE LORD! there were a couple of times when she stopped breathing for about 25 seconds, these were the most frighting.

Sarah had her apnea for about 4 months, and then she was cleared to come off of it.! she became wireless at around 4 months! it was a VERY EXCITING but a nerve wrecking day when their were no more wires. Exciting because she was okay but nerve wrecking because in my mind what was going to tell me if she stopped breathing again. We had to take it day by day. we were all home and i had to rejoice in that...

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